FIVE STEPS OF FORGIVENESS

Life is beautiful and unique but at times difficult and hurtful. We go through harsh and painful situations, at times wrongs are done to us, and we are left with a taste of bitterness, feelings of pain, anger, hurt, sadness and even a sense of injustice.

Forgiveness is a basic prerequisite for freeing ourselves from past experiences and its stranglehold on us. As long as we resist forgiving others for mistakes or actions of the past, we are bound to that past. When we do not forgive others, we ourselves suffer from the negative consequences those negative emotions have on our body and mind. The same is true concerning not forgiving ourselves.

Feelings of being a victim, which sometimes lead to disillusionment, anger and resentment, have a very powerful effect on our nervous, endocrine and immune systems. When such feelings also lead to feelings of weakness, helplessness and hopelessness, then our defense system is even more seriously weakened.

By choosing, forgiving and loving, we free ourselves from the bitterness that harbors unforgiveness and weighs us down with the heavy load that comes from anger, hurt and resentment and all the associated body pain. Please keep in mind that when we decide to forgive, we don’t erase the experience, but we make a conscious choice to eliminate the inner protest and the poison of betrayal or victimhood flowing within us.

Forgiveness, should not be superficial or rushed. Many, when they start this work, believe that they have nothing to forgive, that what happened to us was not our doing.

And although we say the words, I forgive them, we may have forgiven consciously but our subconscious may have stored up feelings of which we have no awareness. Take your time with forgiveness an take the time to feel things fully as you do so.

The process of real forgiveness has five stages:

1. We must first get in touch with the feelings of hurt, bitterness, injustice, anger, guilt or shame still present in our inner child.

 2. We will then need to express and release those feelings in the various ways, one way is using Energy Psychology Techniques such as EFT (tapping).

3. When we have discharged the energy associated with these emotions (which might take from a few hours to a few days), then we are ready to move on to the stage of understanding. Understanding has two aspects.

• We need to understand that the others live in ignorance of their real divine nature and that their actions and behaviors are based on fear and insecurity and their needs.
• We also need to understand that we exist and are evolving in a universe with divine laws, that allow to happen to us only what is perfect for our spiritual growth process. Thus no one could ever have done anything to us, which was not part of a just and wise system designed for our growth. It takes time to reflect on what it is within us that needs to be cleared.

This truth does not prevent us from expecting and asking people to behave towards us with respect. Nor does it absolve us from the basic moral code of doing to others only what we would like them to do to us. It does mean, however, that we can forgive the others and ourselves and for the ignorance of our past, from which we are now seeking to free ourselves. For example: We have felt like a victim in other past experiences and we need to clear this old stuck energy.

 4. Having understood, then we are ready to forgive others and ourselves.

 5. The last stage is to feel love for that person and wish for them best possible growth.

We need to cultivate the truth that there are many perceptions of any situation and that we can forgive even when others are clearly wrong. That is what forgiveness is all about. Real forgiveness does not make that a prerequisite. It forgives even when the others do not know you are forgiving them.

Our loving hearts and keen minds continue to contribute to our challenge as human beings—to become more loving, not to complain, or judge. Loving is a matter of moving beyond our traumatic experiences and forgiveness allows us to let love flow to another, enough to allow ourselves to see the bigger picture of life, not the flaws in ourselves or others.

…Love and light Christina